ithaswhatitisnt

Hi.  Long time, no chat. 

So...school wise, things have kind of gone from bad to worse.  That headache I mentioned in one of my previous journals?  I was hospitalized, tested for a myriad of things, and there is nothing physically wrong, but the pain won't go away.  So right now, I'm trying to manage the pain with medication and ice packs/eye rest. 

I had to withdraw from school.  So I've been going to school now for over a year and I haven't even made it out of the second semester.  I feel like a massive failure. 

Also, no offense to those people who really enjoy using Facebook, but it has brought me nothing but misery.  I plan on deleting my account when I am done with school. 

For all intents and purposes, I probably won't be active here anymore.  I'll check in from time to time, but it will not be anywhere near as active as I once was. 

I don't want notes or comments, and I don't want pity or sympathy.  I'm just trying to explain why I'm no longer here and active as I once was.  I feel like I've let a lot of people down, and for that, I'm immensely sorry. 

I hope everyone else is doing much better than me at the moment.  

Hey, everyone.  I'm sorry I haven't been around lately.  I've been trying to stay on top of the one class I had to repeat, which is going well, honestly, but since it's almost the semester's end, I want to stop.  I just want to stop and go home and not be here anymore. 

Since a lot of you probably don't know, I'd like to explain a bit.

I've been suffering from a really excruciating headache since about the second week of August this year.  Now, I've had headaches for years, and I've been a migraine sufferer for quite a few of those years, but none of them have ever lasted this long, or been this painful.  I'm doing what I can to survive until I can get back to the States and see a neurologist, for starters.  But I've been pretty miserable this entire semester, and I really haven't felt like studying, or being on the computer, but naturally, that's what I've had to have been doing.  

I'm not asking for pity or sympathy, even though it probably sounds like it.  But this headache is the reason why I haven't been on the computer as much.  I can't bear to look at the screen, even when it's on the lowest brightness setting.  I've cried every single day, either from physical pain or from loneliness. 

People back home are telling me it takes fortitude to be able to get through two Category 5 hurricanes by yourself, plus whatever else is happening, but...I don't think it is.  I'm just doing what I have to do until I can go back home.  I'm very grateful I can go to veterinary school, but going to vet school on a small island where everything is unfamiliar...well...it makes me question how much I want this dream sometimes. 

On a slightly better note...as Souledge-master can attest, I sometimes record a cappella covers of myself and send them to him, and he seems to like them. Would anyone else be interested in hearing my covers?  There's no music, it's just me and my excuse for a voice.  I like performing English covers of anime songs and musical theater numbers, but I can do a lot more. 

I hope the rest of you are doing well.  I'm sending love and well wishes everyone's way.  

These are the winners of LadyLincoln's contest: 

Congratulations to the winners!! It was an honor to feature you!  

SinistrosePhosphate

The Collector's ABC's
A is for Amber Hagerman, who was only nine when taken.
Now an alert is named after her by a country that was shaken.
B is for Bella in the Wych-Elm, found in Hagley Hall;
Who put you there and who wrote the graffiti on the wall?
C is for Carmen Colon, one of the three alphabetically-minded maids from school.
Someone obviously thought the double-initials were cool.
D is for Dahlia, black of course; for her passing was no gaffe,
Her career and her body were both cut in half.
E is for Elisa Lam; an accidental mini-movie star,
How she ended up in that tank was really bizarre.
F is for Fossey, the zoologist who lost her head in Rwanda.
No one is sure who wielded that deadly panga.
G is for Grimes, the sisters who went missing after going to see an Elvis movie.
Found in 1957, their mysterious demise is still considered juicy.
H is for Hinterkaifeck, a farmstead set in the heart of Germany,
Said to be haunted; it’s where someone sl The Painter
Needles whisper with lush delight.
Scalpels dream of a gory sight.
Writhing shrieks for my patron saint,
Flesh and blood are my only paint.
Skin broken with a glovéd hand,
Mark'd for e'er by a glowing brand.
Revel in deeds to nature taint;
Flesh and blood are my only paint.
Sickly sighs are my droughts to drink,
Withered wrists would my garlands link.
Beauty not for the weak and faint,
Flesh and blood are my only paint. The Librarian Presents: Room 404



Prologue

Night scene with mists in the air. A pair of large iron gates open slowly. The gates are old, decrepit and covered in cobwebs. It leads into a hedge maze. Long tracking shot with of a first-person point-of-view moves into the maze accompanied by classical music that is slow at first, then ramps up in speed. The tracking shot moves faster with the music. The tracking shot runs through the hedge maze, getting lost several times, until it climbs the the garden stairs of an large but also abandoned mansion. The doors to the garden opens up for the camera and the tracking shot enters. The first-person POV continues to run through the mansion very quickly. No decor is seen as the interior is dimly lit and the camera is moving very fast. The shot finally stops abruptly in the library of the mansion. The library is cluttered and has cobwebs, but it is lit with orange light. I had too much to dream last night
Maybe I had too much to dream last night.
Meadows, valleys and all things in my sight,
Covered in Spring’s own pure and mad delight.
Yellow flowers creeping over the hill side.
White wisps choke the air, sent on a joyride.
Filling me with a fear that won’t subside:
Is it time for the non-stop tears, again?
Is it time for the nose to ache and drain?
Would I be taking the tablets in vain?
I startled awake with a dreadful fright,
Reached over to turn on the bedside light,
Grabbed my allergy pills and hugged them tight.
I must have had too much to dream last night.
Surely such sorrow would not be my plight.
But while I slept, the seeds start to take flight…

Amarantheans

Hail to the Goblin KingDiminutive little grotesque creatures, 
Roam the darkened roads of the realm.
Wrinkley, putrid bodies and ugly features, 
Seeking shiny treasures, with sticky fingers.
Be on the watch, near pockets they linger,
Their awkward little palms you'll never feel.
Away they run to hide among the stringers,
Then off they go, to seek their Goblin King.
 Diligently, their stolen treasures they bring,
 Like ants they march, beneath the ground. 
 Hail to the Goblin King, praises they sing, 
 Blessings and honor, to kiss his royal ring. 

Anita/Amarantheans Is it LoveHair wafting in the wind,
Breeze carries her scent,
Reaching out for my hand, 
B   l   u   s   h.
Is this what love is like?
Twirling round in circles,
Intimate tender embrace,
Heart racing in my chest,
F   l   u   t   t   e  r. Valerian's GameScene opens on a young woman, holding a wooden stake in one hand and crucifix in the other. She screams as a bat approaches her, it suddenly disappears in a puff of smoke as the shape of a man appears, his black cape is pulled up over his face. He lowers the cape to reveal his pale white skin, black eyes, blood stained lips and extended fangs. Without moving a muscle he floats toward the woman, knocking the stake from her hand as he approaches. She holds up the crucifix, his hand quickly covers the symbol causing a sizzling sound and smoke rises from their joined hands. He quickly moves his head toward her jugular. After drinking for a moment he turns to face the camera, blood covering the lower half of his face. The pulsing blood from the womans jugular spurts toward the camera covering it in blood and ending the scene.
Scene opens with rain falling on a police cars flashing lights, then the camera pans toward crime scene tape. You hear voices but cannot make out what they a Death She Calls           
Death, she doth call from the darkened ocean depths.
 
Seas quell over ships washed ashore, ‘neath a starless sky.
The dead, they haunt desolate waters, and harken banshees cry,
She shrieks and calls out, to wandering souls upon seas breadth.
 
Beneath the black, mounds of gold lie, within ocean floor cracks,
Davy Jones he guards treasures, left by fallen men, in the depths.
Bones settle waters deep, tis now their grave, their souls the gods deny.
 
Death, she doth call from the darkened ocean depths.

ErlenmeyerKat

Terror Among the Trees[Scene opens on YOUNG COUPLE pulling luggage out of their trunk. Their car is parked in front of a rustic-looking cabin in a colorful fall wood.]
EVELYN: Oh, Rusty! This is the perfect place for leaf looking!
RUSTY: Of course! When has Goggle ever steered us wrong?
[The two laugh companionably.]
EVELYN: Oh, you!
[They climb the rickety stairs onto the crooked porch. The screen door squeals loudly upon opening. RUSTY puts the key in only to find the door unlocked.]
RUSTY: Well, this explains the low rate!
EVELYN: At least it isn’t by the hour.
[They break into amused laughter.]
RUSTY: Come on! I want to get hiking as soon as possible.
EVELYN: Alright.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[The cabin is dark and dust-choked. Shelves of taxidermy animals, guns, knives and bows hang on the walls. A rotary phone and boxes of old 80’s breakfast cereal are lined up along the counter, a de Every which way but UpWrong way, he saw it written in sidewalk chalk. Turning around, he took another step.
Still wrong.
Finally he looked up and saw her smile. 10 Word Story #51 - In TuneConfidence like a violin's strings, low or high can break. Disconnected“Dead.” Meghan sighed and tossed her phone on the old sheet-covered sofa, beside her purse. "Even if we had power, there’s no signal.” She turned back and closed the door behind her husband, watching as he dropped the load from the car onto the table in the middle of the room. “You know what that means, don’t you?”
Kyle looked back at her, still bundled in her winter coat, and waited for the ball to drop. He’d forgotten; the cabin didn’t have any electricity.
Meghan ran a hand through her hair and finally looked around the single-room structure. The only light came from the tall windows, as well as a good amount of cold air. The bed was in the loft above, up a homemade wooden ladder. The kitchen was just a corner, and the bathroom? Well, at least they’d moved the outhouse into the only closet and gave it running water a few decades ago.
“We’re free." She shot Kyle an amused look and moved to the grocery bags he was

Hello, friends,

So, as you know, I'm currently in St. Kitts, going to school. I walk to and from school every day, and I end up passing a couple of bars.

Today, a local man, from one of those bars, followed me all the way up to my apartment gate on his bike.  He was saying very suggestive things to me, and he waited for me to come out of my apartment.  I was able to get the word out on Facebook, and someone came to get me in order to take me to campus police, since my island phone wouldn't work.  In turn, they ended up contacting the St. Kitts police, because he was still outside my apartment.  They warned him to stay away from me.  That was it. 

In response to my Facebook plea, many people, who I do not know other than being fellow Rossies (since we attend Ross University School of Veterinary Medicine), offered me rides to and from school, shelter at their houses, and kept checking in with me throughout the entire ordeal. It was very comforting to know that people had my back, even though we may have never interacted face to face. 

I am fine, just mentally shaken up.  I have a ride to school tomorrow, from school, and for the forseeable future. It's not that my school is far away from my apartment, but people said they would feel better if I got rides, so I shall. 

I have thanked those kind souls endlessly, from the bottom of my heart.

It is much of the same feeling I have toward many on deviantART.  We may not know each other well, or have interacted directly, but I have a feeling of peace knowing that many have my back, and I have theirs, and we are all here for each other.  

*Edit 2:

Dear friends, thank you for your continued good wishes and prayers.  But now, as LadyLincoln has done, I'd also like to turn my thoughts and prayers to those about to be affected by Irma, those recovering from Harvey and Irma, and for those about to be impacted by Jose.

To all my watchers in those areas: I have you in my thoughts and am sending prayers and good thoughts your way.  I pray you will be safe.

*

*Edit 1:

Dear friends, thank you for your good thoughts and your prayers. My island has made it mostly unscathed, with only some minor building damage. I am not hurt. The power just came back on a little while ago, and if need be, I'll keep updating as things progress.

Thank you so much for your love and support. I couldn't do this without you. *

My dear dA family,

As many of you know, I attend veterinary school on the Caribbean island of St. Kitts. I just returned here two days ago, only to find that Hurricane Irma was waiting for me. 

We are expected to lose power for most of today and tomorrow. And it is now a category 5 hurricane.

Some of my classmates have experienced hurricanes before, but I have not. They are holding "hurricane parties" and making jokes. Locals have told me this is no joking matter.

I have bottled water. I have canned food and other non-perishables. I have my documents safely sealed and within arms' reach.

I am very afraid.

If you find prayer to be helpful, I am asking for prayers for not just me, but my entire island family as well. If prayer is not your thing, could I please ask for some good vibes as well?

I will update you when I can.

I'll do my best to be safe.

I love you all very, very much, and if anyone else is in Irma's way, I'll be praying for you.